Gastric Bypass

Okay...here's the update for all you excited fans...(numbering about 2)...of my progress with weight loss, and eventual surgery: (I apologize right now for the length of this post, but I liked it!)

Thursday was a tough day. I finally decided to share with my coworkers, who are honestly some of the best people I know, and I am SOSOSOSO lucky to work there, about the fact that I am working toward having gastric bypass surgery. They didn't take it very well. They expressed a lovely amount of concern and beliefs that I shouldn't do what I'm planning to do. This made me quite depressed. What did I do later that evening? I ate potatoes...which is like my number ONE comfort food, ice cream is only slightly edged out by them. They said they know people who have complications, and that anesthesia is so dangerous and can cause lots of damage, etc... There was one supportive voice...thank you very much! Two days later, I have come up with the proper response to their very appropriate concerns. Here it is...maybe you like, maybe you don't...who knows, eh? I might sound a LITTLE defensive.

Having this surgery is NOT about wanting to be thin for me. It is rather about NEEDING to be healthy. When statistics prove that 90-95% of all people who lose weight gain it back, plus some more, I am WELL aware of the odds stacked against me. I don't have to loose 50lbs., 100lbs, but if I am ever to get to a good BMI for my height, I would have to loose next door to 200lbs. Not only does that number SICKEN me, but it is a testament to how wonderfully well I can ignore my own body...and for very very very long periods of time.

A major motivation for me, rather than the bonus that I will be thinner(my sister lost her weight, but was never really thin, she does look fabo, though!...I hope I have a realistic view) is I want a child, and quite badly. I have been dreaming (literal dreams during sleep, I mean) about this. I know that I'll never, ever physically be able to have one if I stay the way I am now. No matter what anyone says about how beautiful I might be, the fact remains that so far no guy has ever been able to see past "me" for the good person that I HOPE I am. Yes, that may have more to do with my personality than looks, but dude, I am at least funny! I mean my clumsy stories alone should keep any guy laughing! So I'll work on the rest of myself too! My religious beliefs do exclude the idea of going out and jumping the first guy willing(Boo Hoo!), so this is one step in my right direction. My first choice would be to have a biological child of my own, but should that not happen even after my surgery, I'd still want to adopt a child. What kind of responsible parent would I be if I couldn't make it up the stairs, or into a street fast enough to prevent or lessen any danger my child might face. Not a very good one.

One co-worker said I should follow the post surgical diet without having the surgery. Yes, that would be a good idea if human nature and addiction weren't such strong opposing forces. Chemically, according to my physician/surgeon, my body will change. The physical changes will be visible, but the chemical changes will be more important. That "off" switch that the rest of the healthy world has comes on for every person who has the surgery. For whatever reason, when your physiology is changed, they have said that this chemical change happens for everyone.

Something else I could have said is that being as fat as I am, I think intrinsically comes with a certain amount of pain. I have pain every day. I am not talking emotional either. Feet, ankles, hands, hips, head, legs, shoulders, all bear the brunt of my excess weight. Constant pain on the human psyche has been studied, and very bad things result from this chronic condition. It goes up and down in how much I hurt, but did they ever think about that? No, because talking about fat is fine, but no one wants to hear what it is like to live it. I am not a fan of talking or writing about it either, but I am trying.

This is not a quick fix. This is a life long tool. I would have a chance at a better life, to be the person I should be now, but am 2 of instead...see that was funny! I laughed when I thought of it!

Finally, and my ruminations are almost over...I promise, I know there are risks involved. Death being the biggest one. I have no desire to die. I am so not ready for that, give me till I'm 90 please. Well, to do that, I have to loose my weight. Other risks are tears, ulcers, blood clots, and more, all resulting in more surgery, or more care, or long term issues. Think of it in these terms, or at least try for me. If I can't correct my weight on my own, the likelihood that I will reach the age of 40 WITHOUT having a major complication is quite small. that is less than 5 years away. These things, such as diabetes, heart attack, stroke, blood clots(which run genetically in my family), are more likely to kill me as I am now than should they happen when I am at a lower weight, add to that the FACT that the probability of them happening to me A LOT later in life goes up by quite a bit too! So, live a shortened life with no surgical risk, or take that risk and live a longer, fuller, healthier, and ultimately happier life? I choose to work for it and risk it.

I do have questions and concerns, but this is a thought out decision, and even though this has been an emotion-laden "essay" it is logically thought through, and even prayed over. I can guarantee you that prayer will continue to be a part of my choice.

Post Script:

Jen's Freakin' Food Journal:
Breakfast: Vitamins, Protein Shake, Beans/tortilla
Lunch: Vitamins, Banana, Thinly sliced roast beef, yogurt
Dinner: Vitamins, Salad, Fish, Cottage Cheese, peach
LOTS of water.

I also spent a lot of time out walking around today through various stores, to/from a funeral, I do try to park far away when I go to stores, just to add that many more steps to my day. I should have had better shoes though. Yikes!